Things Indian parents need to understand

I agree that when it comes to loving their children and making sacrifices for them, it’s hard to beat Indian parents but still there are some things which they are doing collectively wrong.

Comparison with other kids

It isn’t uncommon for a kid to hear that “Sharmaji’s son has scored 95.5% while you have secured only 92%.” No matter how hard you’ve worked to please your parents but if there is even one peer who has performed better than you, your hard work gets neglected.

Dear parents, please stop treating your kids like a machine who wins competitions and scores good marks. Every child is unique in his/her own way. Rather than comparing your kids to others, appreciate them whenever you get a chance. Parents' words have a huge impact on children's self-esteem. Your words can either create it or destroy it, remember that.

 

Taking Career decision of their kids

According to them, there are only four career options after 10th grade:

1. Medical
2. Engineering
3. Law
4. CA

Even streams are chosen based on the results. If you’ve scored above 85%, then you HAVE TO take science. Commerce is for average students and Arts is for those who are below average students. 

A student who has scored 95% in 10^th can’t dare to say that he wants to study Arts even if he wants to do that. Even by some miracle if parents agree to their child’s decision, there’s a good chance that some distant relatives (who just can’t mind their own business) would appear out of blue and give their unasked advice without any prior knowledge of the scenario and pretend that they care. Now the 15 year old kid who has no idea about the real world thinks that whatever their parents or elders are saying is right which is not always the case.

Most students aren’t fortunate enough to follow their field of interest. Let alone following it, the majority of us don’t even get a chance to explore new things. Extra-curricular activities and sports are a time-waste according to them. Because of this, kids don’t know about their alternatives if they are not that good in academics. As a result, they get stuck in the below average paying job.

Dear parents, it's okay if you don't know about career opportunities after the 10th. But make sure that your children get proper guidance from their teachers and professionals. Let them know about the pros & cons of every alternative and based on their aptitude, let them decide what path to take. Let your kids explore various paths. Don't impose your decisions on them just because "It's your dream to make them Doctor or Engineer." It creates immense pressure on them. Ask them what they want to do.

  

Privacy of their kids

It seems that they don’t know the meaning and importance of privacy. Don’t blame your children for lying to you if you’re too strict and don’t give them enough space. No child likes to lie to his/her parents. The reason most kids lie to their parents is if they admit their mistakes honestly, parents give them harsh punishments as if they have committed a crime. 

E.g. When a kid breaks a glass accidentally, instead of advising him to hold it carefully from the next time, most parents would just slap him/her. Now the kid think like this, ‘If I admit my mistake, they would beat me instead of understanding me. So from the next time, I wouldn’t let them know about my mistakes and lying is the only way to achieve this.’

Dear parents, trust me, your children would love to share things with you if you understand them.

Too much interference in their kids' life even if they are an adult

It’s not uncommon to see parents making decisions for their 24 year old son/daughter. They are too afraid to see their kids fail. So they take every decision for them, where to invest money, where to live, what to wear. I understand that they worry about their children’s well-being but they need to understand one thing that failure in life is inevitable and necessary for growth.

You see in foreign countries, kids start working part-time after they turn 18. As a result, they learn the value of money from an early age and it also prepares them for the real world. 

Dear parents, stop interfering too much in your children's life when they hit a certain age. It will only improve your relationship with them in the long term. 

  

Not encouraging their daughters to be financially independent

    This one is the most critical. I have observed, especially in rural regions that Mothers insist that their daughters must know how to cook perfectly and how to chores of a home. They teach their daughters to make ‘perfect circular chapatti’ but they won’t encourage them as much to become literate and financially independent so that they won’t have to be dependent on their husbands. There’s nothing wrong with learning to cook or being a housewife but they must teach their daughters how to survive on their own.

     The reason for this being so important is that, in India, one of the most prevalent reasons for domestic violence is women being dependent on their husbands. Husbands who abuse their wives know that they won’t leave them or complain because they are financially dependent on them and illiterate in some cases so they don’t have that much courage. As a result, women have to be in abusive relationships even if they’re not happy.

  Dear parents, making your daughter financially independent is more important than teaching her how to cook.

 

Mothers are overly sentimental

It’s next to impossible to find a person who loves you more than your mother but sometimes mothers get overly dramatic. when sometimes you correct her when she is actually wrong, she would say ‘Ab bachhe maa ko sikhayenge?’ (Will kids teach their mother now?).

They want kind of a husband for them and their daughter who would fight against his parents for her but if her son does the same with her, she would blame her daughter in law for provoking her son against her.

Dear all the mothers, your kid is not going against you every time when he/she is doing the right thing. Please think rationally sometimes instead of becoming emotional.

Never admitting their mistakes

If their kids try to sensibly argue with them, they call it 'Bahot zubaan ladata hai'(You argue too much) without understanding their point of view. Because guess what, they can’t be wrong ever.

Dear parents, just because you are elder than us doesn't mean you are always right. You can be wrong too. Just by accepting your mistakes, you can avoid heated arguments with your rebellious teenage kids.

Not understanding the generation gap

    They often say that ‘Humare zamane me to aisa nahi hua karta tha.’ (This wasn’t the case in our times.) They need to understand that time has changed and so has many things (especially in the last 20 years). The things which worked for them might not work now. Kids are not obligated to follow useless traditions just for the sake of it.

    Dear parents, please understand that kids now-a-days aren't like what they used to be in your generation. Try to understand their thinking patterns, understand that time has changed so you have to adapt new ways to handle them.

    

   Not every things mentioned above is found in every parent but it is rather a general scenario. The main objective of this post is not to criticize the parents but to let them know where the things can be improved when they go wrong. If you're reading this, I request you to make your parents read this post.