This is why you can't work hard

Do you ever find yourself in a state where you can't work hard despite knowing that it is the need of the hour?

Off course you have!

In fact, everyone of us have gone through the same at least once in our life.

You get motivated to do something...

You decide to go for it...

You set specific goals...

You make a plan to make it happen...

You begin with all your enthusiasm but all the motivation is gone in between and there.... exactly there you give up when you don't see any results and get demotivated.

It shouldn't happen, right?

I mean you know what needs to be done,

You have all the resources to do it,

You have made your mind to do it

Yet for some reasons, after some time or attempts, you give in and you are back to where you started.

The point is, what causes this?

I know the reason behind this from my experience.

I think the major reason we can't work hard or find it difficult to work consistently is we are not clear WHY we should do it in the first place!

You see where we get it wrong?

Lack of clarity about the reason

Let's understand it by an example:

Assume you are in a college and you want to get placed in your college placements.

You know what you need to do for this:

study hard, maintain a good mark sheet throughout your college, prepare for interviews.

But how many students from your batch manage to crack this code?

Only a handful, right?

While a majority of the students don't get any job offers.

So what is the reason behind this?

Lack of talent?

I don't think so, because all the students are in the same college so it's safe to assume that they have at least the intellectual ability to crack the initial tests if they put enough efforts.

In fact, I have even seen the most intelligent one not getting placed and the average making it through!

Lack of time?

Everyone gets 24 hours in the day, no more...no less

So what is the reason?

The main factor here is the clarity.

From my personal experience, I can say for sure that generally the ones who get placed have the strong reasons and clarity about why they need to get placed.

For some, it might be money,

For some, it may be their dream company or job.

But everyone of them have one thing in common, they know WHY they need to get placed.

Thus, the clarity is the thing which sets them apart from the ones who couldn't make it and not intelligence, having extra time or anything of that.

This just doesn't apply to one thing. It's true for any aspect of our life.

If you have enrolled for gym and find it difficult to maintain discipline, then be clear about WHY you want to go to the gym.

The reason might be to be healthier

 or 

To feel positive

 or

To attract hot girls

It might be anything but be clear about it and then see how easy it becomes!

Why having a reason is important in life?

Whenever you start something, if you are clear about why you want to do or achieve something, you don't need external motivation to perform the required steps.

What really happens is since you are clear about your why, it is less likely that you'd be influenced by other factors that would distract you.

The surprising thing is, you can use this clarity to beat the masses who are more smart or luckier than you but don't have the clarity.

Many folks believe that they need to be intelligent to become successful in a particular field. Which is false. 

I'm not saying intelligent is not required. It surely helps. But it's not the deciding factor.

Coming back to the point, let's say you are average and want to become successful in a particular field. 

You don't have a kick start but you have one asset to your side, CLARITY. 

If you are clear about your WHY, it'd be much easier for you to figure things out in the process. You just have to start. In this era of internet, you have all the required information at just one click.

See the big companies around you and observe their owners and founders. Do you think that they possess more technical knowledge than the thousands of smart employees who work for them? 

Hell no!

The reason why those SMART people work for founders is that they had the vision and knew why they wanted to start a particular thing.

So from now on, whenever you find it difficult to take required steps, don't doubt your abilities or change plan or overthink anything. Because these are not the root causes. The main problem lies in not having clarity. So just sit down and think "Why do I need to do this?", "Why doing this will help me?", "How is it going to make my life better?"

I'm pretty sure that once you are able to answer all these questions clearly, the rest will fall in place.

Just remember that before starting anything new, instead of making perfect plan or second guessing your abilities, if you put even half of those efforts in making your reasons to begin stronger, you'd be in  much better state.

Things I wish someone had told my 20 year old self

 

Oftentimes, you must be feeling that you wish that you knew some things earlier so that you could do those things better. Currently, I'm 23 and when I look back now, I also feel the same. Based on my little experience with life, I'm sharing some pieces of advice which can help you. While it's true that we can learn from our mistakes but life is too short to learn from our mistakes so try to learn from others' mistakes too!

This might be a long read but I can assure you that it's worth it.

 Make your health a priority

There is no point of having millions in your bank account if you are not healthy enough to enjoy your life. You would feel that you can do anything if you are healthy. So treat your body like a temple.

Don't stress out too much

Stressing out about pretty much everything is totally not worth it. Over 95% of scenario you are imagining in your head would never happen in reality. Worrying isn’t going to make it any better and not to mention its negative impacts on your mental and physical health. So worry less and enjoy more. Just trust the process and do what is needed, everything else will be taken care of.

Make the best use of college

College is not just for attending lectures. There also exists a world outside the academia which would teach you far more than books. College is the best time to come out of your shell. Learn how to talk to the opposite sex, learn public speaking, learn how to cook. Most importantly, make contacts as skills alone are not sufficient to find a job. Contacts will increase the probability of getting the opportunity to prove your worth.

Get your basics right

Eat nutritious food, fix your sleeping schedule and make it a habit of exercising at least 5 times a week. Just like a good foundation is necessary to support a structure, these habits will form a foundation for a good life. Just follow the above mentioned things and more than half of your problems will disappear.

 Be a well-rounded person

Yes, grades are important but it is equally important to have an overview about the world around you. Eventually these are the things which will help you to develop your personality and would be useful to you in ways you never imagined.

 Read as much as possible

Make it a habit to read books daily. Read about anything that interests you. Doesn't matter how much you read but make sure to read daily. It would teach you to think critically and open the doors to endless ideas that can change your life for the better.

Give a damn about your mental health and speak up when required

Have at least one friend in your life with whom you can share your deepest pains without any shame. Keeping everything to yourself would eat you alive. Don't be so hard on yourself always. Just because you fail sometimes doesn't mean that you haven't done your best. You are doing enough, remember it.

Don’t be afraid to piss people off

If you want to do something but are afraid to do so just because someone would not like it, then do it anyway. Because no matter what you do, there will always be people who would criticize you or wouldn’t be happy with what you did. Don’t be afraid to disappoint people when it comes you. You are under no obligation to make everyone happy. Remember you live for yourself, not for others. Once you become okay with pissing people off (when it is really needed), your life becomes way simpler.

 Learn how to be confident

Confidence is one of the must have quality in life. If you are having difficulty in developing confidence, at least learn how to fake it. Having a confidence can make you immensely attractive. Remember that having confidence can make up for many things you don't possess.

 Learn how to be happy

If you have money, fame, success but you're not happy, you've failed at life but if you're able to keep yourself happy in any situation, you've won. Failures and success are part of life which will teach you something every time but understand that there is no point of life. Ultimately it’s only the experiences that count. When you will be lying on your deathbed, you wouldn’t remember how many times you succeeded or failed but you would only remember experiences you have had, risks you had taken and adventures you did with your friends. All of our existence is a result of a mistake so don't try to find logic in everything. The only purpose of life is to be happy.

 Stop comparing yourself with others

Everyone has different stories. Don't use someone else's scale to measure your line. Nobody knows what you've gone through. If someone doesn't understand that and judges you wrongly, it's not your fault. Just remember that if you manage to do the best with whatever you have, you've succeeded regardless of what other people think.

 

Don’t be a part of a rat-race

When you graduate, some of your friends would be making more money than you, some would be making less and some would even struggle to find a job. Don’t feel inferior or superior. Just focus on your journey. You are not here to win any race. There will always be people who would have more intelligence, more money, more privilege than you. Don't feel sad for not having all of these as it's not in your hand. Make the best of what you’ve got.

 

Become financially literate

I can’t stress this enough. One of the best decision you can make in your 20s is to become financially literate. The most important thing you have going with you in your 20s is your age. Since you don’t have major obligations and responsibilities in this age, you can take risk. Start learning about mutual funds, stock market, compound interest and start investing. The earlier, the better. 

 

Fail earlier, fail often

We are taught from schools to not fail and that failing is a bad thing. I had read somewhere that ‘Fail early and fail often’ and I completely agree with that. In order to become wise, you need experience and that only comes from failing. Don’t worry about failing often, you only have to succeed once. People won’t remember your failures, they would remember your victories. 

Even when you screw up sometimes, you have time to recover from it as you are young. On the other hand, by not doing anything at all due to fear of failure, you will miss countless opportunities. Just keep failing but make sure you don’t repeat the same mistakes. Keep learning from each mistake and improvise with each successive step and your progress would skyrocket.

Don't worry, you will get your dream job, you will find your passion and you will also fail sometimes. That's life. Don't worry unnecessarily. Just do what is required and enjoy the process, the rest would fall into place. Remember you are here to live and make memories, not to keep score of your wins-losses.

બસ સ્ટેશન

હોળી આ વખતે શુક્રવારે હોઇ ૩ દિવસ ની રજા નો મસ્ત મેળ પડેલો. મારી નોકરી બરોડા એટલે ગુરુવારે કામ પતાવીને સાંજે નીકળ્યો ગાંધીનગર ઘરે જવા. ઓફિસ થી બસ સ્ટેશન અડધા - પોણા કલાક નો રસ્તો ખરો અને બસ નો ટાઈમ હતો સાડા છ નો એટલે સાડા પાંચ વાગે નીકળેલો. સદનસીબે બહાર નીકળ્યાં ની પાંચ મિનીટ માં જ ડાયરેક્ટ સ્ટેશન ની રિક્ષા મળી ગઈ, એ પણ બે જણ વચ્ચે એટલે ટાઈમ એ પહોંચવાની અને થોડું ઘણું ભાડું બચવાની બેવડી ખુશી હતી. 

સ્ટેશન એ ધાર્યા મુજબ સવા છ એ પહોંચ્યો. બરોડા થી રાણીપ(અમદાવાદ) સુધી ની વોલ્વો ની ટિકીટ ઓનલાઇન  બુક કરાવેલી એટલે ચિંતા નહોતી. બરોડા થી અમદાવાદ બે - અઢી કલાક અને ત્યાં થી ગાંધીનગર નો બીજો અધડો - પોણો કલાક ના હિસાબે પોણા દસ વાગ્યા સુધી માં ઘરે પહોંચવાની ગણતરી હતી. સ્ટેશન એ પહોંચતા જ બસ પણ જાણે રાહ જોઈ ને ઉભી હતી. ટાઈમ થતાં જ બસ ઉપડી. 

થોડી વાર પછી કંટાળો આવવા લાગ્યો અને થાક ના કારણે માથું દુઃખતું હોઈ મોબાઈલ વાપરવાની ઈચ્છા પણ નહોતી. છેવટે  પાછળ ની સીટ એ બેઠેલા બહેનની એમના પતિ જોડે ફોન ઉપરની ઉગ્ર દલીલો અનિચ્છા એ પણ સાંભળવી પડી. આમ તો મને કોઈ ની વાતો સાંભળવાની ટેવ નહિ પણ સંજોગવશાત બહેન ના પતિ નું નામ પણ અક્ષય હતું અને હું કંટાળેલો એટલે મને પણ કુતૂહલ જાગ્યું. બસ માં બેઠા ના લગભગ કલાક પછી એમનો ઝઘડો ચાલુ થયેલો અને સિટીએમ આવતા આવતા મને એટલું તો સમજાઈ ગયેલું કે ઝગડો કઈ વાત ને લઇ ને હતો. વચ્ચે મેં બહેન ને એવું બોલતા સાંભળ્યા કે "મને તો બોલવા દે!". મને નવાઇ એ વાત ની લાગેલી કે મને યાદ છે ત્યાં સુધી ૯૦% ટાઈમ બહેન જ વાત કરતા હતા. બહેન સીટીએમ એ ઉતરી ગયા. હવે બાકીનો સમય પસાર કેવી રીતે કરવો એ વિચારવાનું હતું. સિટીએમ થી રાણીપ પહોંચતા આમ તો ચાલીસ મિનીટ જેવું જ થાય પણ હોળી ના હિસાબે ટ્રાફિક હોઇ કલાક લાગી ગયો. જો કે રસ્તા માં પાંચ - છ જગ્યાઓ હોળી જોવાનો લહાવો પણ મળ્યો! 

છેવટે સવા નવ વાગ્યા ની આસપાસ હું રાણીપ ઉતર્યો. આશા હતી કે થોડો "વહેલો" હોઇ ગાંધીનગર ની બસ જલ્દી જ મળી જવી જોઈએ પણ નિયતિ ની કંઇક બીજી જ ઈચ્છા હતી. પંદર મિનીટ રાહ જોવા છતાં એક પણ બસ નજરે ના આવતા એક દુકાનવાળા ને પૂછવા ગયો. ત્યાં થી જાણવા મળ્યું કે હજુ વાર લાગે એમ હતી. માથું તો દુ:ખાવાનું ચાલુ જ હતું એવા માં દુકાને ચા દેખાતા એક ચા પ્રેમી તરીકે સ્વાભાવિક રીતે જ આદુ વાળી કડક ચા પીવાના કોડ જાગ્યા. પણ પાછું ઘરે જઈ ને જમવાનું હોઇ ચા નો પ્લાન ઈચ્છા હોવા છતાં કેન્સલ રાખવો પડ્યો. 

છેવટે પોણા કલાક સુધી રાહ જોયા પછી બસ આવી! પણ તહેવાર ના હિસાબે અંદર ભીડ એટલી હતી કે ઉભુ રહેવાની જગ્યા પણ માંડ દેખાઈ. હાથ માં ૨ બેગ (એક માં પાછું લેપટોપ) હોવાના લીધે બેસવું કે નઈ એની અવઢવ માં હતો પણ મોડું થઈ ગયું હતું અને બીજી બસ ના કોઈ અણસાર દેખાતા નહોતા એટલે "અંદર જઈ ને જોયું જવાશે" ના નિર્ધાર સાથે બસ માં ચઢ્યો. મારા કરતા મને લેપટોપ ની બેગ ક્યાં મૂકવી એની ચિંતા વધારે હતી. છેવટે રેક ઉપર પણ ખાલી જગ્યા ન દેખાતા મારા પગ ની આગળ જ બેગ મૂકી. બીજી બેગ કંડકટર ની સીટ ઉપર મૂકવાની વિનંતી કરી. કંડકટર ભલો માણસ હતો, સંમત થયો. ધક્કા ખાતા ખાતા પણ અંતે દસ ની જાગ્યા એ સાડા દસ વાગે ગાંધીનગર પહોંચ્યો. થાક તો લાગેલો જ હતો પણ કહે છે ને કે "ધરતી નો છેડો ઘર". ઘરે પગ મૂકતા જ જાણે બધો જ થાક ઉતરી ગયો. ઘર માં પ્રવેશતા જ મે રસોડા તરફ દોટ મૂકી, જ્યાં મમ્મી ના હાથ નું ખાવાનું મારી રાહ જોઈ રહ્યું હતું. મુસાફરી એ થકવી નાખેલો પણ પહેલો કોળિયો મોઢા માં જતાં જ લાગ્યું કે દુનિયા ની નિયમ છે કે કંઇક મળવાની કિંમત ત્યારે જ સમજાય જ્યારે એ મળતા પહેલા કંઇક અડચણ આવે. 

ચાય પે ચર્ચા

આજે વાત કરવી છે પીણાઓ ના રાજા ની...એટલે કે "ચા" ની.

ચા ને આમ તો સાર્વત્રિક પીણું કહીએ તો પણ અતિશયોક્તિ નહિ ગણાય પણ તેમ છતાંય વહુ અને વરસાદ ની જેમ એને જોઈએ એવી કદર મળતી નથી.

"ચાલ ને ચા પીવા જઈએ" આ વાક્ય કૉલેજ કે ગલી ના નાકે સાંભળવું એકદમ સામાન્ય વાત છે.

જ્યારે પણ કોઈ મિત્રો નું ગ્રુપ જોડે બેસીને ચા પીવાનું નક્કી કરે ત્યારે આશય ચા પીવાનો નથી હોતો...આશય હોય છે જોડે બેસીને મજાક મશ્કરી કરવાનો, જૂના કિસ્સા ફરી ને ફરી વાગોળવાનો; ચા તો માત્ર સેતુ બની રે છે મિત્રો ના બહાનાઓ અને ચર્ચા ને જોડતો. 

ચા એ ખાલી પીણું નથી... એ ચર્ચા ને વેગ આપતું ફ્યુલ છે.

ચા એકદમ વર્સેટાઈલ પણ ખરી (અનલાઈક કોફી) કારણ કે ચા જોડે ખાઈ શકાય એવા ઢગલાબંધ ઓપ્શન મળી રહે...

ચા અને થેપલા, ચા અને પરોઠા/ભાખરી, ચા અને પાપડી, ચા અને ગાંઠીયા, ચા અને બિસ્કીટ (હા ભાઈ બિસ્કુટ!), ચા અને મસ્કાબન (ખાસ અમદાવાદીઓ માટે), ચા અને ભજીયા (વરસાદ વખત નું ફરજિયાત મેનુ), ચા અને સેવખમણી...

એમાં પણ જો આ બધું ચાલુ વરસાદે મળે તો આહાહા...

અગ્રેશન - કોહલી

હોટેલ - ટ્રીવાગો

એસબીઆઈ - લંચ બ્રેક

આ લિસ્ટ માં જો હજી એક જોડી ઉમેરવી હોય તો એ છે વરસાદ અને ચા, ઈનસેપરેબલ કોમ્બિનેશન.

વરસાદ પડતાં જ બે પ્રકારના લોકોને જલસો પડી જાય,

૧) કવિઓ

૨) ચા ના રસિયાઓ (જે કવિતાઓ નથી લખી શકતા... હીહી નો ઑફેન્સ)

ચા નો ઉપયોગ અમુક વાર દવા તરીકે પણ થાય પાછો!

શરદી થઈ છે?... આદુ અને તુલસી વાળી ચા પી લો.

માથું દુઃખે છે?...ચા પી લો (અમુક ને પાછું માથું જ એટલે દુઃખે કે ચા ના મળી હોય ટાઈમ ઉપર!)

સવારે ઉઠી ને ગમે એટલો ટાઈમ ભલે ને થયો હોય પણ ચા પીધા સિવાય દિવસ ની શરૂઆત ની કલ્પના મુશ્કેલ છે. જાણે કે ચા એ ચાવી હોય શરીર ની તાજગી ના તાળા ની! 

પુરુષો ની સવાર શરૂ કરવા માટે ખાલી ન્યુઝપેપર પૂરતું નથી, બીજા હાથ માં ચા નો કપ હોવો જરૂરી છે. ગૃહિણીઓ માટે પણ ચા એ ખાલી ચા નથી પણ એક સ્ટેરોઇડ્ જેવું કામ કરે. સવારે ઉઠીને કામ ચાલુ કરતાં પહેલાં એક "ઈમરજન્સી" ડોઝ અને બીજો ડોઝ કામ પતાવ્યા પછી.

ચા એક મલ્ટીપર્પઝ "ટૂલ" છે...

એ લોકો ની ચર્ચાઓ નું નિમિત્ત પણ બની શકે છે.

એ લોકો નો ખરાબ દિવસ સુધારી પણ શકે છે.

એ લોકો ની નાની મોટી તકલીફો ભુલાવી પણ શકે છે.

ટુંક માં જે લોકો એ કદી ચા પીધી નથી, એ લોકો એ ઝીંદગી માં બઉ બધું મિસ કર્યું છે એ પાક્કું.

"ચાય પે વધુ ચર્ચા" પછી ક્યારેક.

Being a MAN is not easy

First of all, Happy International Men's Day to all the men out there. 

(You must have noticed that there's a big difference between the number of wishes on women's day and men's day.) 

Today I'm going to discuss some of the issues faced by men that get unnoticed. 

Society always says that a woman's life is tough. Agreed. But let me tell you one thing. Being a man is not a cakewalk either. At least women get sympathies from both genders but we men have always been devoid of this thing. Nobody talks about the hardships faced by men. Our problems are often neglected or worse, people think that a man doesn't face any problem. Which is false. 

 

Men don't cry

If you are a man reading this, let me ask you one thing. Remember when you were about 7-8 years old kid and got physically hurt by something and started crying as it was unbearable? Your parents must have said then, "Stop crying like a girl. Be a MAN." 

Let alone kids, even when you become an adult, you are not allowed to cry in public even you are hurt mentally or physically. Why? Because society believes that you are a man so you don't get hurt. Women can easily get shoulder to cry on but men don't have this privilege. All we get is a pillow and a dark room.

We may suck at expressing our emotions but understand that we also have feelings and we also get hurt. So don't judge a man if you see him crying. He may be facing some hardships which you are unaware of.

Punishments in schools are gender-specific

Whenever a girl doesn't complete homework, she doesn't get slapped by the teacher. They won't even scold them much thinking that they are girls. Okay, fine. But why don't they think twice before slapping and ridiculing boys in front of the whole class? Don't we have shame? Don't we have feelings?

Teachers teach you about gender equality but unfortunately, they are the ones who fail to do so.

We must pay on the first date

While this may not be always the case, but on most dates, a man is expected to pay the bill. Why? Because he's a MAN. 

Men are not credit cards, so stop treating them like such.

Nobody believes us

You must have witnessed an accident between a man and a woman and heard people saying, 'Iski (man) hi galti hogi, bahot tez chala raha hoga.' (The fault must be of a boy because he must be driving too fast.)

Even if you want to test this mentality, perform two pranks on the road.

In the first case, let a girl cry and tell those around her that a man with her had hit her. Chances are high that everyone around those two would start beating him even without listening to his story.

In the second case, let a man tell people that a girl hit him. What would happen? Chances are high that people will ridicule him and nobody would give a damn even if he might be right.

Why they assume that men are always wrong? 

Because we are MEN.

Being unemployed is not an option for us

Nobody talks much about a girl if she is unemployed after graduating but the same is not true for boys. Boys get bombarded with questions about jobs everywhere, be it neighborhood, wedding, or any family function. 

If a boy is good looking but unemployed, he gets hardships in marrying a girl he loves. But if a girl is beautiful but unemployed, it's comparatively easy for her to marry a boy of her choice.

No matter how much we say "Women are equally competent" but a man is still looked upon as the provider of the family. 

Obligation to help everyone around us

Imagine a man who is tired as hell while returning home from work is traveling through public transport. He sees a senior citizen standing. A woman who is looking fresh, young, and capable of standing is also sitting beside him. Can he dare to ask her to give up her seat for the senior citizen? NO. If he does that, people will ridicule him for being a jerk and 'Not respecting a woman' even if his wish was genuine.  

Why are we obligated to help everyone even when we can't and not women even when they can?

Because we are MEN. 

You must propose to a girl first even if she likes you too

Of all the love stories (fiction or real) you have watched or heard of, how much of them can you recall in which a girl had proposed to a boy? 

Very few right? 

I want to ask all the girls who expect that a man must propose to a girl even if she loves him too. 

Why do you have this kind of attitude? Why can't you propose to him?

Even in the case of approaching first, a girl expects that a boy must approach her first. Understand that some boys can be shy too. You won't lose anything if you approach him first. 

Remember that boys also like to be wanted, to feel special. Just because the majority of the boys propose or approach a girl first, don't assume that it's our duty and your right. 

On average, women live longer than men. I don't think this is a coincidence. Women can cry and express themselves anywhere but men don't have this liberty. As a result, they don't express their pain much and it takes a toll on their mental and physical health. 

In the end, I would say that,

It's not easy to get up and smile even when you are crying from inside.

It's not easy to become the support of all the family members even if there is no one to support you.

It's not easy not being able to express your sorrows and deal with it.

It's not easy being misunderstood every now and then.

It's not easy being taken for granted.

IT'S NOT EASY BEING A MAN.

I'm fucking proud of being a man and if I get a chance to reincarnate, I would like to born as a man again. 

Once again, Happy International Men's Day to all the men out there who have been a source of strength for their loved ones.

(Note to the girls: Some of the things which I wrote above are general scenarios. I'm not saying that all the girls behave that way. Understand that exceptions are always there!)

Intelligence is overrated

 ‘I wish I were as intelligent as him/her.’

‘It’s easy for him because he/she is so intelligent.’

You must have thought this at least at some point in your life, whenever you score average or low marks or fail at something.

If you think that you are not intelligent enough and that’s the thing which is holding you back from achieving great heights, then this post is for you.

According to me, intelligence is quite overrated. I’m not saying it doesn’t matter to achieve success. Of course, it matters, but not as much as people make it sound.

To succeed in life, there are more things than just intelligence.

Let’s categorize those.

In the first category, there are things which are beyond our control.

Like privilege, luck, talent.

The second category includes things which are in our hand.

Like hard work, discipline, persistence, will power, making the right decisions.

Let’s take the worst case in which you are born poor, have average intelligence and you don’t have any special talents. You may think that nothing can save you now from being unsuccessful and leading a miserable life.

But wait, the game is not over yet!

The first thing to do is, instead of ranting about your average intelligence or poor background, accept that these things are beyond your control. There’s nothing you can do about it. So just make peace with it and think about what you can do to make your life awesome.

Think about the things you are good at. If you find those things, then get better at it enough to turn it into your profession.

It’s highly unlikely that you can’t think of things you’re good at. We all have something in us which we are good at.

But let’s say that you can’t think of even one that thing. In this case, educate yourself. I’m not just talking about conventional education. I’m saying that educate yourself about the world around you. Read books, watch stuff that you find interesting. Doing this will broaden your horizon of thinking and you’ll find more options to explore.

When you feel like you are not intelligent enough to succeed, you can approach it in two ways.

1) You would think “I don’t have what it takes. Success is reserved for those only who are intelligent. I should never think of becoming successful."

2) You would think “It’s easier to become successful when you are intelligent. So what if I’m not that smart? Life has thrown a lemon at me so I would make lemonade. Acquiring intelligence is not in my hand but being disciplined and working hard is sure as hell in my hand. I will work so hard that people will use me as an example to work hard even if the odds are not in your favor.”

 

Here is a bell curve showing the percentage of the population and their IQ scores. You can see that more than 68% of the population has an average IQ (85-115). This is definitely not a small fraction.

Does this mean that no one from that 68% population will be successful?

A big NO!

But before you falsely interpret this, there is one more thing you should know.

Although it’s good to not get discouraged by your average intelligence, you should also keep in mind that in some professions, superior intelligence is not just an advantage but a necessity.

For example, if someone having an IQ of 90 thinks that ‘I want to become a great scientist.’ It’s highly improbable that he/she would make it. Science, Engineering, Programming, Law, Maths, etc. are the areas that are difficult to study for someone having average intelligence. (You can Google ‘Average IQ by profession’ to understand what I’m saying.)

So before you think of choosing your profession, you should check whether you have the required aptitude for it. By this, you can avoid many troubles beforehand.

 

Downsides of high intelligence

You must be wondering, ‘Is there even a downside of being highly intelligent?’

I would say yes.

• You can also see some smart people around you who are not successful or have wasted their potential. According to me, there could be two reasons behind it. 

1. From childhood, smart kids are able to grasp things easily without putting much effort. So they are not used to work hard from an early age simply because they seldom need it. But success requires hard work too. For those smart folks who have not worked hard very much, it becomes harder for them to develop discipline. (Note that I’m not saying all the smart people are like this. There are also people who work hard and are intelligent too.)
2. Smart people tend to overthink and analyze a lot. While people with average intelligence don’t think that much and just do it. As a result, they get the reward for the risk taken. 

• It is a known fact that it’s easier to hold conversations with someone who has the same intelligence level as yours. By analyzing the bell curve above, you can see that only about 15% of the total population has an IQ > 115 but more than 68% of the total population falls in the 85-115 bracket. This means that it becomes harder for you to meet people you can have interesting conversations with if you are intelligent.

Of course, superior intelligence can be beneficial but too much superior intelligence? I don’t think so.

• It’s harder for intelligent people to be happy (Or as they say, ignorance is bliss). Because they can see and understand things that are not generally known by other people. It's lonely at the top. Intelligent people are more likely to feel melancholy.

In the end, I want to say that it’s good if you’re intelligent but if you are average in terms of smartness then life doesn’t stop there. You can always do something and become successful.

I like this quote from Stephen Hawking.

 

 

 

 

Things Indian parents need to understand

I agree that when it comes to loving their children and making sacrifices for them, it’s hard to beat Indian parents but still there are some things which they are doing collectively wrong.

Comparison with other kids

It isn’t uncommon for a kid to hear that “Sharmaji’s son has scored 95.5% while you have secured only 92%.” No matter how hard you’ve worked to please your parents but if there is even one peer who has performed better than you, your hard work gets neglected.

Dear parents, please stop treating your kids like a machine who wins competitions and scores good marks. Every child is unique in his/her own way. Rather than comparing your kids to others, appreciate them whenever you get a chance. Parents' words have a huge impact on children's self-esteem. Your words can either create it or destroy it, remember that.

 

Taking Career decision of their kids

According to them, there are only four career options after 10th grade:

1. Medical
2. Engineering
3. Law
4. CA

Even streams are chosen based on the results. If you’ve scored above 85%, then you HAVE TO take science. Commerce is for average students and Arts is for those who are below average students. 

A student who has scored 95% in 10^th can’t dare to say that he wants to study Arts even if he wants to do that. Even by some miracle if parents agree to their child’s decision, there’s a good chance that some distant relatives (who just can’t mind their own business) would appear out of blue and give their unasked advice without any prior knowledge of the scenario and pretend that they care. Now the 15 year old kid who has no idea about the real world thinks that whatever their parents or elders are saying is right which is not always the case.

Most students aren’t fortunate enough to follow their field of interest. Let alone following it, the majority of us don’t even get a chance to explore new things. Extra-curricular activities and sports are a time-waste according to them. Because of this, kids don’t know about their alternatives if they are not that good in academics. As a result, they get stuck in the below average paying job.

Dear parents, it's okay if you don't know about career opportunities after the 10th. But make sure that your children get proper guidance from their teachers and professionals. Let them know about the pros & cons of every alternative and based on their aptitude, let them decide what path to take. Let your kids explore various paths. Don't impose your decisions on them just because "It's your dream to make them Doctor or Engineer." It creates immense pressure on them. Ask them what they want to do.

  

Privacy of their kids

It seems that they don’t know the meaning and importance of privacy. Don’t blame your children for lying to you if you’re too strict and don’t give them enough space. No child likes to lie to his/her parents. The reason most kids lie to their parents is if they admit their mistakes honestly, parents give them harsh punishments as if they have committed a crime. 

E.g. When a kid breaks a glass accidentally, instead of advising him to hold it carefully from the next time, most parents would just slap him/her. Now the kid think like this, ‘If I admit my mistake, they would beat me instead of understanding me. So from the next time, I wouldn’t let them know about my mistakes and lying is the only way to achieve this.’

Dear parents, trust me, your children would love to share things with you if you understand them.

Too much interference in their kids' life even if they are an adult

It’s not uncommon to see parents making decisions for their 24 year old son/daughter. They are too afraid to see their kids fail. So they take every decision for them, where to invest money, where to live, what to wear. I understand that they worry about their children’s well-being but they need to understand one thing that failure in life is inevitable and necessary for growth.

You see in foreign countries, kids start working part-time after they turn 18. As a result, they learn the value of money from an early age and it also prepares them for the real world. 

Dear parents, stop interfering too much in your children's life when they hit a certain age. It will only improve your relationship with them in the long term. 

  

Not encouraging their daughters to be financially independent

    This one is the most critical. I have observed, especially in rural regions that Mothers insist that their daughters must know how to cook perfectly and how to chores of a home. They teach their daughters to make ‘perfect circular chapatti’ but they won’t encourage them as much to become literate and financially independent so that they won’t have to be dependent on their husbands. There’s nothing wrong with learning to cook or being a housewife but they must teach their daughters how to survive on their own.

     The reason for this being so important is that, in India, one of the most prevalent reasons for domestic violence is women being dependent on their husbands. Husbands who abuse their wives know that they won’t leave them or complain because they are financially dependent on them and illiterate in some cases so they don’t have that much courage. As a result, women have to be in abusive relationships even if they’re not happy.

  Dear parents, making your daughter financially independent is more important than teaching her how to cook.

 

Mothers are overly sentimental

It’s next to impossible to find a person who loves you more than your mother but sometimes mothers get overly dramatic. when sometimes you correct her when she is actually wrong, she would say ‘Ab bachhe maa ko sikhayenge?’ (Will kids teach their mother now?).

They want kind of a husband for them and their daughter who would fight against his parents for her but if her son does the same with her, she would blame her daughter in law for provoking her son against her.

Dear all the mothers, your kid is not going against you every time when he/she is doing the right thing. Please think rationally sometimes instead of becoming emotional.

Never admitting their mistakes

If their kids try to sensibly argue with them, they call it 'Bahot zubaan ladata hai'(You argue too much) without understanding their point of view. Because guess what, they can’t be wrong ever.

Dear parents, just because you are elder than us doesn't mean you are always right. You can be wrong too. Just by accepting your mistakes, you can avoid heated arguments with your rebellious teenage kids.

Not understanding the generation gap

    They often say that ‘Humare zamane me to aisa nahi hua karta tha.’ (This wasn’t the case in our times.) They need to understand that time has changed and so has many things (especially in the last 20 years). The things which worked for them might not work now. Kids are not obligated to follow useless traditions just for the sake of it.

    Dear parents, please understand that kids now-a-days aren't like what they used to be in your generation. Try to understand their thinking patterns, understand that time has changed so you have to adapt new ways to handle them.

    

   Not every things mentioned above is found in every parent but it is rather a general scenario. The main objective of this post is not to criticize the parents but to let them know where the things can be improved when they go wrong. If you're reading this, I request you to make your parents read this post.