The most important person in your life

If someone asks you "Who's the most important person in your life?"

What would be your answer?

Your mom, dad, brother, sister, teacher or lover/spouse?

I say none of these.

To see the most important person in your life, look in the mirror.

Whom do you see?

Yourself, right?

Yep...that person in the mirror, "YOU"... YOU are the most important person in your life.

Sometimes in our life, we give too much importance to others and undervalue ourselves.

Has it ever occurred to you while taking any decision, that you had to depend on someone for guiding you? It's possible that you wanted to use that person's experience for your benefit. That's a good thing but also remember that no one knows yourself better than you.

If someone says that your parents or lover knows you better than you know yourself, don't believe it. It's Bull's crap. No matter how close someone is to you, there is a tiny chance that someone knows all your secrets. Even if he/she knows, no one can tell what's going in your mind 24*7.

Even your parents, close friends, and lovers are not going to be with you every time. Only you are going to be with yourself, from your first breath to your last breath. Only you can feel what you've gone through, others can just merely know it.

At times, some people can't understand why you did what you did.

Why?

Again, the reason is the same... Because he hasn't been with you through all the time so he doesn't know what you've gone through. Every person doesn't take decisions only based on the situations but his experiences also play a major role. Two identical people (mentally) whose situations are the same may take different decisions based on their past experiences!

So it is possible to go through such a situation when you can't provide any logic or justification to anyone but your gut feeling tells you that it's the right thing to do. In such situations, you should go with your gut feeling and do what you feel is right for you. Don't listen to anyone. You don't owe any explanation to anyone but yourself. Period!

Sure, you might fail or go wrong but that possibility also exists when we listen to others. So it's far better to fail by doing something your own way.

Put yourself first, above all (Your parents being the exception). Others may term you selfish or mean but remember, it's not called being selfish, it's called self-love. Putting yourself first is the first step to increase your self-esteem. If you don't love and respect your self then how can you even expect the same from others?

Set boundaries...learn to say no...speak your mind when the need arises... people should be knowing what you like/dislike and how you like to be treated. The reason I'm putting so much emphasis on this is if you don't remind people how to treat you, you will indirectly give them the power to insult you.

In such situations, you might seem arrogant to others or they can't understand you. But you don't have to worry as long as you think you're right. But don't forget to take responsibility for that, either! After all, it was your decision.

Is MOTIVATION a trap?

 "I don't want to do this because I don't feel motivated."

"I couldn't do this because I lacked motivation"

"I have the ability to do this but to do that, I think I must have motivation"

These sentences sound familiar, don't they? We hear them daily from people around us.
In fact, almost all of us have at least once in our life thought of this!


Let me ask you a question...

What is motivation?

According to Google, "It is a reason for acting or behaving in a particular way."

From my experience, I say "Motivation is nothing but the greed of getting the reward which people try to find every now and then."

Why do people need motivation?

• Frankly speaking, people need motivation because they want something in return for everything they do. They're too lazy to take action (even if it is important) if they don't get something in return.

• People want answer of 'why should I do this?' or 'what good would this do to me if I do this?' and there's nothing wrong in this. In fact, if we didn't ask all this to ourselves before doing something, we'd be wasting our valuable time and it would be too unproductive.

Is motivation a trap?

This can be a bit subjective.

But I think there are two kinds of motivation, Good and Bad.

Motivation might be a trap to you if your motivation is Bad and on the other hand, it can be a driving force for you if your motivation is good.

Let's take an example.

• Consider two persons, A and B.

• Both are fat and worried about that. People make fun of their chubbiness. Though circumstances of both the persons are the same but the way they approach it isn't the same. Let's see how.

• Person A thinks that people make fun of me, I'm tired of this. I must do something. I think I should go to the gym and make muscular body so that I'll get revenge for my insult and show these people that I'm not fat anymore.

• Person B thinks that these people are right. I'm fat and this is harmful to my health. I must do something about it. I think I should get membership of the gym and start doing workout and following diet so that I'll get a healthy body and it'll help me live a much happier life.

Did you notice any difference between the approach of them?

• Person A wants to go to the gym because he wants to prove others wrong. But what if no-one would have teased him about being fat? Chances are he'd still be fat because his motivation is bad.

• person B wants to go to the gym because he wants to improve himself and his life. He doesn't let someone's opinion affect his thinking. Chances are he'll continue going to gym till he's concerned about his well-being because his motivation is good. 

• Motivation is not a trap if you use it the right way but it starts becoming a problem if it is the sole thing you need to get anything done.

Why we shouldn't rely on motivation?

• We shouldn't rely on motivation because it doesn't last. Today you have motivation and tomorrow you don't. Just like the example of person A above, probably he won't go to the gym if people stop teasing him.

• I think the main reason people need motivation is that they don't like the current task that they're doing or they fail to see the bigger picture. We need motivation to study because we hate to do it. People need to understand that we have to do something if it needs to be done (even if we don't like it).

• Imagine if your teacher says before a week of your exam "I won't teach you today because I'm not motivated."

What will happen?

Syllabus won't complete and students will perform poorly in exams.

• Imagine a doctor saying  "I won't check patients today because I'm not motivated today."  

          What will be the condition of patients?

• Imagine if a bus driver thinks that "I won't drive the bus today because I don't feel motivated."

          A number of people won't be able to reach their destinations on time.
          Some will miss their meeting. Some students will miss lectures.

• We have to study (not only talking about 'formal education' here) despite hating it because after studying, we'll be able to get a job, become independent, improve our living standards, solve people's problems, make the world a better place to live.

• Similarly, we have to do plenty of things in life which we don't like but they are important.

The world would be a painful place to live in if everybody needs motivation to do something.


We should do something because it is important, not because we feel motivated (unless it's good motivation) 

What if someone doesn't have motivation?

• Many of us feel that we lack motivation, we don't feel like anything to do. So what to do in such situations?

I think the best way to deal with this problem is to think of possible worst consequences if we don't take actions. You should make a list of reasons of "Why I should do this?"  and think that what is the worst that could happen if you don't do this?

If the consequences are bad then chances are pretty good that they will force you to move your ass and even if they don't, those reasons will motivate you to do something.

• So whenever you think that you don't feel motivated, imagine how you'll make your or others' lives happier by your actions and your future self will thank you for that.

Just remember that there won't be any destination without any journey and that journey is only possible if you decide to do something, even if you don't want to. Get one thing through your head, nobody gives a sh*t about your feelings or mood. Do something or get ready to face consequences and regret it. It's that simple!

In the end, I'll say that motivation is good if you are willing to take action and your actions improve your and others' life but it's useless if you aren't willing to do anything and want some miracle to happen because you're too lazy to do something.

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