Learn to say NO

"I wanted to do something else, but I had to do that because I couldn't say NO to him."

"I didn't want to go there but I went because I was afraid he would be mad."


You must have said this to yourself at some point in your life.

What do these sentences indicate?

They indicate that you can't say NO to anyone.

Today I'm going to explain to you the importance of saying NO in your life.

Let's first begin with the reasons behind this.

Why most people can't say NO to others?

There are many reasons behind these like,

• Low self-esteem
• You're afraid that what others will think of you
• You think that others will be mad at you
• You feel obligated

Apart from these, there can also be many other reasons based on an individual.

Why is it important to say NO?

If you don't learn to say NO to people, believe me, you're gonna have a hard time.

If you don't feel like doing something, say NO to that person even if he's your friend.
You're not being rude here, you're speaking your mind.

If you feel insulted when someone is making fun of you, tell him not to do it.
You're not being too serious here, you're settings boundaries.

If you are in a situation where you can't help someone because doing so can put you in a danger, say NO.
You're not being inhuman here, you're putting yourself above him which is quite reasonable.

Here's a thing...

You can't always make everyone happy. There's always gonna be someone who will be pissed off because of your denial but the bottom line is you have to learn to say NO to people if you want to lead a peaceful life.

The people who try to make everyone happy and want to be liked by everyone say YES to everyone and when they can't keep every promise, they make everyone unhappy. Not to mention the stress they have to go through to maintain their promises. As a result, none of them is happy.

When you say YES to everyone despite your unwillingness, you may make people happy for some time but you are disrespecting yourself by going against your will.

Keep one thing in your mind... people will forget 99 things you did for them but they will remember 1 thing you didn't do.  The world is just like that. But protecting your interests in such a selfish world is your goddamn duty. So what is the point of  pressuring yourself to make everyone happy at the cost of your happiness?

Don't worry about pissing people off. The real friends will understand your situation and the one who wouldn't, don't matter anyway. And also remember that you have a 'right to freedom of choice'.

The world is full of people who want to take advantage of you but it's your duty to identify them and say NO to them.

You are not obligated to do anything to anyone (unless they are your parents, spouse or children and that too in a situation where their request is reasonable).

Look I'm not saying to become a jerk and do whatever you like even at the expense of others. You should help your friends in need. But if you're protecting your interests and it's not hurting anyone, then it's perfectly right decision to say NO.

Here's a Red pill...

Nobody will look for you in this cruel world, you have to do it yourself. If doing so hurts someone, let it be. Don't try to carry the whole world on your shoulders. The world was running without you before your birth and it would be running without you even after your death. Making yourself happy is your first business.

The most important person in your life

If someone asks you "Who's the most important person in your life?"

What would be your answer?

Your mom, dad, brother, sister, teacher or lover/spouse?

I say none of these.

To see the most important person in your life, look in the mirror.

Whom do you see?

Yourself, right?

Yep...that person in the mirror, "YOU"... YOU are the most important person in your life.

Sometimes in our life, we give too much importance to others and undervalue ourselves.

Has it ever occurred to you while taking any decision, that you had to depend on someone for guiding you? It's possible that you wanted to use that person's experience for your benefit. That's a good thing but also remember that no one knows yourself better than you.

If someone says that your parents or lover knows you better than you know yourself, don't believe it. It's Bull's crap. No matter how close someone is to you, there is a tiny chance that someone knows all your secrets. Even if he/she knows, no one can tell what's going in your mind 24*7.

Even your parents, close friends, and lovers are not going to be with you every time. Only you are going to be with yourself, from your first breath to your last breath. Only you can feel what you've gone through, others can just merely know it.

At times, some people can't understand why you did what you did.

Why?

Again, the reason is the same... Because he hasn't been with you through all the time so he doesn't know what you've gone through. Every person doesn't take decisions only based on the situations but his experiences also play a major role. Two identical people (mentally) whose situations are the same may take different decisions based on their past experiences!

So it is possible to go through such a situation when you can't provide any logic or justification to anyone but your gut feeling tells you that it's the right thing to do. In such situations, you should go with your gut feeling and do what you feel is right for you. Don't listen to anyone. You don't owe any explanation to anyone but yourself. Period!

Sure, you might fail or go wrong but that possibility also exists when we listen to others. So it's far better to fail by doing something your own way.

Put yourself first, above all (Your parents being the exception). Others may term you selfish or mean but remember, it's not called being selfish, it's called self-love. Putting yourself first is the first step to increase your self-esteem. If you don't love and respect your self then how can you even expect the same from others?

Set boundaries...learn to say no...speak your mind when the need arises... people should be knowing what you like/dislike and how you like to be treated. The reason I'm putting so much emphasis on this is if you don't remind people how to treat you, you will indirectly give them the power to insult you.

In such situations, you might seem arrogant to others or they can't understand you. But you don't have to worry as long as you think you're right. But don't forget to take responsibility for that, either! After all, it was your decision.

Why being yourself is important?

Do you know what is the main source of unhappiness most of the time?

It's not being our original self.

Yes!

In this post, I will discuss the reasons that stop us from behaving naturally and the importance of being yourself.

Why don't we be ourselves?

It's not true always that we don't want to be ourselves but sometimes due to some factors, we don't/can't behave the way we want to.

Those factors are :

Fear of getting judged

This is one of the main reasons we don't behave naturally. We're afraid of people judging us because we're different and we don't fit in.

You shouldn't be worrying about people because contrary to your imaginary fear, most people don't actually care about you or what you do. It is because they too think the same way! They are also human beings like you. So stop worrying about other people and be confident.

To gain the approval of others

Imagine you meet the opposite sex the first time. Your mind is filled with a thousand thoughts. Now tell me what will be going on in your mind?

"What if she/he doesn't like me?"

"What will she/he think of me?"

"What will be my first impression?"

And due to these thoughts, you try to gain her/his approval and to get it, you behave totally differently. By doing this, even if she/he likes your behavior, you should keep in mind that you weren't being original.

Of course, making a good first impression is important but you can make it by mixing confidence with your attitude. You don't have to wear a facade to get the approval of others. Even if you succeed by faking your behavior, believe me when she/he sees your true self, that great first impression which you made by being fake will vanish in seconds and you'll lose her/his respect.

Peer pressure

Sometimes in a group of our friends, we tend to behave like other friends because we are afraid of standing out. You're afraid that your friends will make fun of you. If you're afraid of them making fun of you for being yourself, then you should seriously think about who you hang out with, because true friends will never mock you for what you are.

Why should we be our selves?

Now I will tell you the advantages of being yourself:

• When you behave naturally, you feel stress-free. Because you don't have to make any efforts for behaving a certain way.

• Have you ever noticed one thing about children? They are always happy. They can always be happy because they are themselves, whether you like them or not. They don't care about what other people think of them.

• When you are yourself, you are confident because you don't have anything to hide. Moreover, when you're confident, people will naturally be attracted to you.

• When you don't care about what other people think of you, people will respect you for living on your own terms.

Trust me, people who don't care about being liked are damn sexy.

• Have you noticed the behavior of people who are always calm and composed? They are themselves. One of the reasons they can stay calm because they are not afraid of being exposed, they don't care about anyone's approval, they don't care about being liked. They are comfortable in their own skin.

As stated above, when you are your natural self, it will be beneficial to your mental health because you will be stress-free and happier.

Sure, you will take some time to find friends or girlfriend/boyfriend but when you find, you'll know that they really like you. Because they've seen your true self.

No matter how many friends you make by being fake, you'll never know if they really like you or not.

The places where being too original may be harmful to you

Though being your self is a good thing, there are some situations in your life when being too transparent or too original can be a bad idea.

• Imagine yourself sitting in an interview... when an interviewer asks you something about your past employer, even you didn't like him, you shouldn't be bitching about him. If you do this, chances are good that you will be rejected for being original.

          In an interview, some diplomacy and decency is expected from you so you should keep that in your mind.
       

• Suppose when your mom wears a saree and asks you that how's she looking, even though if the saree isn't suiting her, you shouldn't answer bluntly by saying that "You look horrible, this saree doesn't suit you". It'll hurt her even it's true because humans are irrational by nature, they don't always think logically. Instead, you should say "This looks ok but you would look great if you'd worn 'X' piece"

Understand one thing that by the above examples, I no way tell you for completely lying or to be fake. I am just telling you that you should be yourself but you should also know how to behave slightly diplomatic where it is necessary. Because no one is black and white in this world. People are in grey shades, a mixture of both.

You will lose your relations and no one will talk to you if you say whatever comes to your mind.

Decide from today that you'll never be afraid of being yourself, but don't be blunt. Have some diplomacy where it is needed to save yourself and your relations with your loved ones.

Is MOTIVATION a trap?

 "I don't want to do this because I don't feel motivated."

"I couldn't do this because I lacked motivation"

"I have the ability to do this but to do that, I think I must have motivation"

These sentences sound familiar, don't they? We hear them daily from people around us.
In fact, almost all of us have at least once in our life thought of this!


Let me ask you a question...

What is motivation?

According to Google, "It is a reason for acting or behaving in a particular way."

From my experience, I say "Motivation is nothing but the greed of getting the reward which people try to find every now and then."

Why do people need motivation?

• Frankly speaking, people need motivation because they want something in return for everything they do. They're too lazy to take action (even if it is important) if they don't get something in return.

• People want answer of 'why should I do this?' or 'what good would this do to me if I do this?' and there's nothing wrong in this. In fact, if we didn't ask all this to ourselves before doing something, we'd be wasting our valuable time and it would be too unproductive.

Is motivation a trap?

This can be a bit subjective.

But I think there are two kinds of motivation, Good and Bad.

Motivation might be a trap to you if your motivation is Bad and on the other hand, it can be a driving force for you if your motivation is good.

Let's take an example.

• Consider two persons, A and B.

• Both are fat and worried about that. People make fun of their chubbiness. Though circumstances of both the persons are the same but the way they approach it isn't the same. Let's see how.

• Person A thinks that people make fun of me, I'm tired of this. I must do something. I think I should go to the gym and make muscular body so that I'll get revenge for my insult and show these people that I'm not fat anymore.

• Person B thinks that these people are right. I'm fat and this is harmful to my health. I must do something about it. I think I should get membership of the gym and start doing workout and following diet so that I'll get a healthy body and it'll help me live a much happier life.

Did you notice any difference between the approach of them?

• Person A wants to go to the gym because he wants to prove others wrong. But what if no-one would have teased him about being fat? Chances are he'd still be fat because his motivation is bad.

• person B wants to go to the gym because he wants to improve himself and his life. He doesn't let someone's opinion affect his thinking. Chances are he'll continue going to gym till he's concerned about his well-being because his motivation is good. 

• Motivation is not a trap if you use it the right way but it starts becoming a problem if it is the sole thing you need to get anything done.

Why we shouldn't rely on motivation?

• We shouldn't rely on motivation because it doesn't last. Today you have motivation and tomorrow you don't. Just like the example of person A above, probably he won't go to the gym if people stop teasing him.

• I think the main reason people need motivation is that they don't like the current task that they're doing or they fail to see the bigger picture. We need motivation to study because we hate to do it. People need to understand that we have to do something if it needs to be done (even if we don't like it).

• Imagine if your teacher says before a week of your exam "I won't teach you today because I'm not motivated."

What will happen?

Syllabus won't complete and students will perform poorly in exams.

• Imagine a doctor saying  "I won't check patients today because I'm not motivated today."  

          What will be the condition of patients?

• Imagine if a bus driver thinks that "I won't drive the bus today because I don't feel motivated."

          A number of people won't be able to reach their destinations on time.
          Some will miss their meeting. Some students will miss lectures.

• We have to study (not only talking about 'formal education' here) despite hating it because after studying, we'll be able to get a job, become independent, improve our living standards, solve people's problems, make the world a better place to live.

• Similarly, we have to do plenty of things in life which we don't like but they are important.

The world would be a painful place to live in if everybody needs motivation to do something.


We should do something because it is important, not because we feel motivated (unless it's good motivation) 

What if someone doesn't have motivation?

• Many of us feel that we lack motivation, we don't feel like anything to do. So what to do in such situations?

I think the best way to deal with this problem is to think of possible worst consequences if we don't take actions. You should make a list of reasons of "Why I should do this?"  and think that what is the worst that could happen if you don't do this?

If the consequences are bad then chances are pretty good that they will force you to move your ass and even if they don't, those reasons will motivate you to do something.

• So whenever you think that you don't feel motivated, imagine how you'll make your or others' lives happier by your actions and your future self will thank you for that.

Just remember that there won't be any destination without any journey and that journey is only possible if you decide to do something, even if you don't want to. Get one thing through your head, nobody gives a sh*t about your feelings or mood. Do something or get ready to face consequences and regret it. It's that simple!

In the end, I'll say that motivation is good if you are willing to take action and your actions improve your and others' life but it's useless if you aren't willing to do anything and want some miracle to happen because you're too lazy to do something.

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