Being a MAN is not easy

First of all, Happy International Men's Day to all the men out there. 

(You must have noticed that there's a big difference between the number of wishes on women's day and men's day.) 

Today I'm going to discuss some of the issues faced by men that get unnoticed. 

Society always says that a woman's life is tough. Agreed. But let me tell you one thing. Being a man is not a cakewalk either. At least women get sympathies from both genders but we men have always been devoid of this thing. Nobody talks about the hardships faced by men. Our problems are often neglected or worse, people think that a man doesn't face any problem. Which is false. 

 

Men don't cry

If you are a man reading this, let me ask you one thing. Remember when you were about 7-8 years old kid and got physically hurt by something and started crying as it was unbearable? Your parents must have said then, "Stop crying like a girl. Be a MAN." 

Let alone kids, even when you become an adult, you are not allowed to cry in public even you are hurt mentally or physically. Why? Because society believes that you are a man so you don't get hurt. Women can easily get shoulder to cry on but men don't have this privilege. All we get is a pillow and a dark room.

We may suck at expressing our emotions but understand that we also have feelings and we also get hurt. So don't judge a man if you see him crying. He may be facing some hardships which you are unaware of.

Punishments in schools are gender-specific

Whenever a girl doesn't complete homework, she doesn't get slapped by the teacher. They won't even scold them much thinking that they are girls. Okay, fine. But why don't they think twice before slapping and ridiculing boys in front of the whole class? Don't we have shame? Don't we have feelings?

Teachers teach you about gender equality but unfortunately, they are the ones who fail to do so.

We must pay on the first date

While this may not be always the case, but on most dates, a man is expected to pay the bill. Why? Because he's a MAN. 

Men are not credit cards, so stop treating them like such.

Nobody believes us

You must have witnessed an accident between a man and a woman and heard people saying, 'Iski (man) hi galti hogi, bahot tez chala raha hoga.' (The fault must be of a boy because he must be driving too fast.)

Even if you want to test this mentality, perform two pranks on the road.

In the first case, let a girl cry and tell those around her that a man with her had hit her. Chances are high that everyone around those two would start beating him even without listening to his story.

In the second case, let a man tell people that a girl hit him. What would happen? Chances are high that people will ridicule him and nobody would give a damn even if he might be right.

Why they assume that men are always wrong? 

Because we are MEN.

Being unemployed is not an option for us

Nobody talks much about a girl if she is unemployed after graduating but the same is not true for boys. Boys get bombarded with questions about jobs everywhere, be it neighborhood, wedding, or any family function. 

If a boy is good looking but unemployed, he gets hardships in marrying a girl he loves. But if a girl is beautiful but unemployed, it's comparatively easy for her to marry a boy of her choice.

No matter how much we say "Women are equally competent" but a man is still looked upon as the provider of the family. 

Obligation to help everyone around us

Imagine a man who is tired as hell while returning home from work is traveling through public transport. He sees a senior citizen standing. A woman who is looking fresh, young, and capable of standing is also sitting beside him. Can he dare to ask her to give up her seat for the senior citizen? NO. If he does that, people will ridicule him for being a jerk and 'Not respecting a woman' even if his wish was genuine.  

Why are we obligated to help everyone even when we can't and not women even when they can?

Because we are MEN. 

You must propose to a girl first even if she likes you too

Of all the love stories (fiction or real) you have watched or heard of, how much of them can you recall in which a girl had proposed to a boy? 

Very few right? 

I want to ask all the girls who expect that a man must propose to a girl even if she loves him too. 

Why do you have this kind of attitude? Why can't you propose to him?

Even in the case of approaching first, a girl expects that a boy must approach her first. Understand that some boys can be shy too. You won't lose anything if you approach him first. 

Remember that boys also like to be wanted, to feel special. Just because the majority of the boys propose or approach a girl first, don't assume that it's our duty and your right. 

On average, women live longer than men. I don't think this is a coincidence. Women can cry and express themselves anywhere but men don't have this liberty. As a result, they don't express their pain much and it takes a toll on their mental and physical health. 

In the end, I would say that,

It's not easy to get up and smile even when you are crying from inside.

It's not easy to become the support of all the family members even if there is no one to support you.

It's not easy not being able to express your sorrows and deal with it.

It's not easy being misunderstood every now and then.

It's not easy being taken for granted.

IT'S NOT EASY BEING A MAN.

I'm fucking proud of being a man and if I get a chance to reincarnate, I would like to born as a man again. 

Once again, Happy International Men's Day to all the men out there who have been a source of strength for their loved ones.

(Note to the girls: Some of the things which I wrote above are general scenarios. I'm not saying that all the girls behave that way. Understand that exceptions are always there!)

Intelligence is overrated

 ‘I wish I were as intelligent as him/her.’

‘It’s easy for him because he/she is so intelligent.’

You must have thought this at least at some point in your life, whenever you score average or low marks or fail at something.

If you think that you are not intelligent enough and that’s the thing which is holding you back from achieving great heights, then this post is for you.

According to me, intelligence is quite overrated. I’m not saying it doesn’t matter to achieve success. Of course, it matters, but not as much as people make it sound.

To succeed in life, there are more things than just intelligence.

Let’s categorize those.

In the first category, there are things which are beyond our control.

Like privilege, luck, talent.

The second category includes things which are in our hand.

Like hard work, discipline, persistence, will power, making the right decisions.

Let’s take the worst case in which you are born poor, have average intelligence and you don’t have any special talents. You may think that nothing can save you now from being unsuccessful and leading a miserable life.

But wait, the game is not over yet!

The first thing to do is, instead of ranting about your average intelligence or poor background, accept that these things are beyond your control. There’s nothing you can do about it. So just make peace with it and think about what you can do to make your life awesome.

Think about the things you are good at. If you find those things, then get better at it enough to turn it into your profession.

It’s highly unlikely that you can’t think of things you’re good at. We all have something in us which we are good at.

But let’s say that you can’t think of even one that thing. In this case, educate yourself. I’m not just talking about conventional education. I’m saying that educate yourself about the world around you. Read books, watch stuff that you find interesting. Doing this will broaden your horizon of thinking and you’ll find more options to explore.

When you feel like you are not intelligent enough to succeed, you can approach it in two ways.

1) You would think “I don’t have what it takes. Success is reserved for those only who are intelligent. I should never think of becoming successful."

2) You would think “It’s easier to become successful when you are intelligent. So what if I’m not that smart? Life has thrown a lemon at me so I would make lemonade. Acquiring intelligence is not in my hand but being disciplined and working hard is sure as hell in my hand. I will work so hard that people will use me as an example to work hard even if the odds are not in your favor.”

 

Here is a bell curve showing the percentage of the population and their IQ scores. You can see that more than 68% of the population has an average IQ (85-115). This is definitely not a small fraction.

Does this mean that no one from that 68% population will be successful?

A big NO!

But before you falsely interpret this, there is one more thing you should know.

Although it’s good to not get discouraged by your average intelligence, you should also keep in mind that in some professions, superior intelligence is not just an advantage but a necessity.

For example, if someone having an IQ of 90 thinks that ‘I want to become a great scientist.’ It’s highly improbable that he/she would make it. Science, Engineering, Programming, Law, Maths, etc. are the areas that are difficult to study for someone having average intelligence. (You can Google ‘Average IQ by profession’ to understand what I’m saying.)

So before you think of choosing your profession, you should check whether you have the required aptitude for it. By this, you can avoid many troubles beforehand.

 

Downsides of high intelligence

You must be wondering, ‘Is there even a downside of being highly intelligent?’

I would say yes.

• You can also see some smart people around you who are not successful or have wasted their potential. According to me, there could be two reasons behind it. 

1. From childhood, smart kids are able to grasp things easily without putting much effort. So they are not used to work hard from an early age simply because they seldom need it. But success requires hard work too. For those smart folks who have not worked hard very much, it becomes harder for them to develop discipline. (Note that I’m not saying all the smart people are like this. There are also people who work hard and are intelligent too.)
2. Smart people tend to overthink and analyze a lot. While people with average intelligence don’t think that much and just do it. As a result, they get the reward for the risk taken. 

• It is a known fact that it’s easier to hold conversations with someone who has the same intelligence level as yours. By analyzing the bell curve above, you can see that only about 15% of the total population has an IQ > 115 but more than 68% of the total population falls in the 85-115 bracket. This means that it becomes harder for you to meet people you can have interesting conversations with if you are intelligent.

Of course, superior intelligence can be beneficial but too much superior intelligence? I don’t think so.

• It’s harder for intelligent people to be happy (Or as they say, ignorance is bliss). Because they can see and understand things that are not generally known by other people. It's lonely at the top. Intelligent people are more likely to feel melancholy.

In the end, I want to say that it’s good if you’re intelligent but if you are average in terms of smartness then life doesn’t stop there. You can always do something and become successful.

I like this quote from Stephen Hawking.

 

 

 

 

Things Indian parents need to understand

I agree that when it comes to loving their children and making sacrifices for them, it’s hard to beat Indian parents but still there are some things which they are doing collectively wrong.

Comparison with other kids

It isn’t uncommon for a kid to hear that “Sharmaji’s son has scored 95.5% while you have secured only 92%.” No matter how hard you’ve worked to please your parents but if there is even one peer who has performed better than you, your hard work gets neglected.

Dear parents, please stop treating your kids like a machine who wins competitions and scores good marks. Every child is unique in his/her own way. Rather than comparing your kids to others, appreciate them whenever you get a chance. Parents' words have a huge impact on children's self-esteem. Your words can either create it or destroy it, remember that.

 

Taking Career decision of their kids

According to them, there are only four career options after 10th grade:

1. Medical
2. Engineering
3. Law
4. CA

Even streams are chosen based on the results. If you’ve scored above 85%, then you HAVE TO take science. Commerce is for average students and Arts is for those who are below average students. 

A student who has scored 95% in 10^th can’t dare to say that he wants to study Arts even if he wants to do that. Even by some miracle if parents agree to their child’s decision, there’s a good chance that some distant relatives (who just can’t mind their own business) would appear out of blue and give their unasked advice without any prior knowledge of the scenario and pretend that they care. Now the 15 year old kid who has no idea about the real world thinks that whatever their parents or elders are saying is right which is not always the case.

Most students aren’t fortunate enough to follow their field of interest. Let alone following it, the majority of us don’t even get a chance to explore new things. Extra-curricular activities and sports are a time-waste according to them. Because of this, kids don’t know about their alternatives if they are not that good in academics. As a result, they get stuck in the below average paying job.

Dear parents, it's okay if you don't know about career opportunities after the 10th. But make sure that your children get proper guidance from their teachers and professionals. Let them know about the pros & cons of every alternative and based on their aptitude, let them decide what path to take. Let your kids explore various paths. Don't impose your decisions on them just because "It's your dream to make them Doctor or Engineer." It creates immense pressure on them. Ask them what they want to do.

  

Privacy of their kids

It seems that they don’t know the meaning and importance of privacy. Don’t blame your children for lying to you if you’re too strict and don’t give them enough space. No child likes to lie to his/her parents. The reason most kids lie to their parents is if they admit their mistakes honestly, parents give them harsh punishments as if they have committed a crime. 

E.g. When a kid breaks a glass accidentally, instead of advising him to hold it carefully from the next time, most parents would just slap him/her. Now the kid think like this, ‘If I admit my mistake, they would beat me instead of understanding me. So from the next time, I wouldn’t let them know about my mistakes and lying is the only way to achieve this.’

Dear parents, trust me, your children would love to share things with you if you understand them.

Too much interference in their kids' life even if they are an adult

It’s not uncommon to see parents making decisions for their 24 year old son/daughter. They are too afraid to see their kids fail. So they take every decision for them, where to invest money, where to live, what to wear. I understand that they worry about their children’s well-being but they need to understand one thing that failure in life is inevitable and necessary for growth.

You see in foreign countries, kids start working part-time after they turn 18. As a result, they learn the value of money from an early age and it also prepares them for the real world. 

Dear parents, stop interfering too much in your children's life when they hit a certain age. It will only improve your relationship with them in the long term. 

  

Not encouraging their daughters to be financially independent

    This one is the most critical. I have observed, especially in rural regions that Mothers insist that their daughters must know how to cook perfectly and how to chores of a home. They teach their daughters to make ‘perfect circular chapatti’ but they won’t encourage them as much to become literate and financially independent so that they won’t have to be dependent on their husbands. There’s nothing wrong with learning to cook or being a housewife but they must teach their daughters how to survive on their own.

     The reason for this being so important is that, in India, one of the most prevalent reasons for domestic violence is women being dependent on their husbands. Husbands who abuse their wives know that they won’t leave them or complain because they are financially dependent on them and illiterate in some cases so they don’t have that much courage. As a result, women have to be in abusive relationships even if they’re not happy.

  Dear parents, making your daughter financially independent is more important than teaching her how to cook.

 

Mothers are overly sentimental

It’s next to impossible to find a person who loves you more than your mother but sometimes mothers get overly dramatic. when sometimes you correct her when she is actually wrong, she would say ‘Ab bachhe maa ko sikhayenge?’ (Will kids teach their mother now?).

They want kind of a husband for them and their daughter who would fight against his parents for her but if her son does the same with her, she would blame her daughter in law for provoking her son against her.

Dear all the mothers, your kid is not going against you every time when he/she is doing the right thing. Please think rationally sometimes instead of becoming emotional.

Never admitting their mistakes

If their kids try to sensibly argue with them, they call it 'Bahot zubaan ladata hai'(You argue too much) without understanding their point of view. Because guess what, they can’t be wrong ever.

Dear parents, just because you are elder than us doesn't mean you are always right. You can be wrong too. Just by accepting your mistakes, you can avoid heated arguments with your rebellious teenage kids.

Not understanding the generation gap

    They often say that ‘Humare zamane me to aisa nahi hua karta tha.’ (This wasn’t the case in our times.) They need to understand that time has changed and so has many things (especially in the last 20 years). The things which worked for them might not work now. Kids are not obligated to follow useless traditions just for the sake of it.

    Dear parents, please understand that kids now-a-days aren't like what they used to be in your generation. Try to understand their thinking patterns, understand that time has changed so you have to adapt new ways to handle them.

    

   Not every things mentioned above is found in every parent but it is rather a general scenario. The main objective of this post is not to criticize the parents but to let them know where the things can be improved when they go wrong. If you're reading this, I request you to make your parents read this post.

Learn to say NO

"I wanted to do something else, but I had to do that because I couldn't say NO to him."

"I didn't want to go there but I went because I was afraid he would be mad."


You must have said this to yourself at some point in your life.

What do these sentences indicate?

They indicate that you can't say NO to anyone.

Today I'm going to explain to you the importance of saying NO in your life.

Let's first begin with the reasons behind this.

Why most people can't say NO to others?

There are many reasons behind these like,

• Low self-esteem
• You're afraid that what others will think of you
• You think that others will be mad at you
• You feel obligated

Apart from these, there can also be many other reasons based on an individual.

Why is it important to say NO?

If you don't learn to say NO to people, believe me, you're gonna have a hard time.

If you don't feel like doing something, say NO to that person even if he's your friend.
You're not being rude here, you're speaking your mind.

If you feel insulted when someone is making fun of you, tell him not to do it.
You're not being too serious here, you're settings boundaries.

If you are in a situation where you can't help someone because doing so can put you in a danger, say NO.
You're not being inhuman here, you're putting yourself above him which is quite reasonable.

Here's a thing...

You can't always make everyone happy. There's always gonna be someone who will be pissed off because of your denial but the bottom line is you have to learn to say NO to people if you want to lead a peaceful life.

The people who try to make everyone happy and want to be liked by everyone say YES to everyone and when they can't keep every promise, they make everyone unhappy. Not to mention the stress they have to go through to maintain their promises. As a result, none of them is happy.

When you say YES to everyone despite your unwillingness, you may make people happy for some time but you are disrespecting yourself by going against your will.

Keep one thing in your mind... people will forget 99 things you did for them but they will remember 1 thing you didn't do.  The world is just like that. But protecting your interests in such a selfish world is your goddamn duty. So what is the point of  pressuring yourself to make everyone happy at the cost of your happiness?

Don't worry about pissing people off. The real friends will understand your situation and the one who wouldn't, don't matter anyway. And also remember that you have a 'right to freedom of choice'.

The world is full of people who want to take advantage of you but it's your duty to identify them and say NO to them.

You are not obligated to do anything to anyone (unless they are your parents, spouse or children and that too in a situation where their request is reasonable).

Look I'm not saying to become a jerk and do whatever you like even at the expense of others. You should help your friends in need. But if you're protecting your interests and it's not hurting anyone, then it's perfectly right decision to say NO.

Here's a Red pill...

Nobody will look for you in this cruel world, you have to do it yourself. If doing so hurts someone, let it be. Don't try to carry the whole world on your shoulders. The world was running without you before your birth and it would be running without you even after your death. Making yourself happy is your first business.

એ લપેટ...

ઉત્તરાયણ એટલે પતંગો, તુક્કલો અને "કાઇપો છે" ની બૂમો. પણ આના સિવાય પણ એવી ઘણી વસ્તુઓ છે જે આપડે બાળક તરીકે કરી હશે(અને અમુક અત્યારે પણ કરીએ છીએ).
એ મજેદાર વસ્તુઓ કઈ છે એ જાણવા વાંચો આગળ...

The most important person in your life

If someone asks you "Who's the most important person in your life?"

What would be your answer?

Your mom, dad, brother, sister, teacher or lover/spouse?

I say none of these.

To see the most important person in your life, look in the mirror.

Whom do you see?

Yourself, right?

Yep...that person in the mirror, "YOU"... YOU are the most important person in your life.

Sometimes in our life, we give too much importance to others and undervalue ourselves.

Has it ever occurred to you while taking any decision, that you had to depend on someone for guiding you? It's possible that you wanted to use that person's experience for your benefit. That's a good thing but also remember that no one knows yourself better than you.

If someone says that your parents or lover knows you better than you know yourself, don't believe it. It's Bull's crap. No matter how close someone is to you, there is a tiny chance that someone knows all your secrets. Even if he/she knows, no one can tell what's going in your mind 24*7.

Even your parents, close friends, and lovers are not going to be with you every time. Only you are going to be with yourself, from your first breath to your last breath. Only you can feel what you've gone through, others can just merely know it.

At times, some people can't understand why you did what you did.

Why?

Again, the reason is the same... Because he hasn't been with you through all the time so he doesn't know what you've gone through. Every person doesn't take decisions only based on the situations but his experiences also play a major role. Two identical people (mentally) whose situations are the same may take different decisions based on their past experiences!

So it is possible to go through such a situation when you can't provide any logic or justification to anyone but your gut feeling tells you that it's the right thing to do. In such situations, you should go with your gut feeling and do what you feel is right for you. Don't listen to anyone. You don't owe any explanation to anyone but yourself. Period!

Sure, you might fail or go wrong but that possibility also exists when we listen to others. So it's far better to fail by doing something your own way.

Put yourself first, above all (Your parents being the exception). Others may term you selfish or mean but remember, it's not called being selfish, it's called self-love. Putting yourself first is the first step to increase your self-esteem. If you don't love and respect your self then how can you even expect the same from others?

Set boundaries...learn to say no...speak your mind when the need arises... people should be knowing what you like/dislike and how you like to be treated. The reason I'm putting so much emphasis on this is if you don't remind people how to treat you, you will indirectly give them the power to insult you.

In such situations, you might seem arrogant to others or they can't understand you. But you don't have to worry as long as you think you're right. But don't forget to take responsibility for that, either! After all, it was your decision.