Things Indian parents need to understand

I agree that when it comes to loving their children and making sacrifices for them, it’s hard to beat Indian parents but still there are some things which they are doing collectively wrong.

Comparison with other kids

It isn’t uncommon for a kid to hear that “Sharmaji’s son has scored 95.5% while you have secured only 92%.” No matter how hard you’ve worked to please your parents but if there is even one peer who has performed better than you, your hard work gets neglected.

Dear parents, please stop treating your kids like a machine who wins competitions and scores good marks. Every child is unique in his/her own way. Rather than comparing your kids to others, appreciate them whenever you get a chance. Parents' words have a huge impact on children's self-esteem. Your words can either create it or destroy it, remember that.

 

Taking Career decision of their kids

According to them, there are only four career options after 10th grade:

1. Medical
2. Engineering
3. Law
4. CA

Even streams are chosen based on the results. If you’ve scored above 85%, then you HAVE TO take science. Commerce is for average students and Arts is for those who are below average students. 

A student who has scored 95% in 10^th can’t dare to say that he wants to study Arts even if he wants to do that. Even by some miracle if parents agree to their child’s decision, there’s a good chance that some distant relatives (who just can’t mind their own business) would appear out of blue and give their unasked advice without any prior knowledge of the scenario and pretend that they care. Now the 15 year old kid who has no idea about the real world thinks that whatever their parents or elders are saying is right which is not always the case.

Most students aren’t fortunate enough to follow their field of interest. Let alone following it, the majority of us don’t even get a chance to explore new things. Extra-curricular activities and sports are a time-waste according to them. Because of this, kids don’t know about their alternatives if they are not that good in academics. As a result, they get stuck in the below average paying job.

Dear parents, it's okay if you don't know about career opportunities after the 10th. But make sure that your children get proper guidance from their teachers and professionals. Let them know about the pros & cons of every alternative and based on their aptitude, let them decide what path to take. Let your kids explore various paths. Don't impose your decisions on them just because "It's your dream to make them Doctor or Engineer." It creates immense pressure on them. Ask them what they want to do.

  

Privacy of their kids

It seems that they don’t know the meaning and importance of privacy. Don’t blame your children for lying to you if you’re too strict and don’t give them enough space. No child likes to lie to his/her parents. The reason most kids lie to their parents is if they admit their mistakes honestly, parents give them harsh punishments as if they have committed a crime. 

E.g. When a kid breaks a glass accidentally, instead of advising him to hold it carefully from the next time, most parents would just slap him/her. Now the kid think like this, ‘If I admit my mistake, they would beat me instead of understanding me. So from the next time, I wouldn’t let them know about my mistakes and lying is the only way to achieve this.’

Dear parents, trust me, your children would love to share things with you if you understand them.

Too much interference in their kids' life even if they are an adult

It’s not uncommon to see parents making decisions for their 24 year old son/daughter. They are too afraid to see their kids fail. So they take every decision for them, where to invest money, where to live, what to wear. I understand that they worry about their children’s well-being but they need to understand one thing that failure in life is inevitable and necessary for growth.

You see in foreign countries, kids start working part-time after they turn 18. As a result, they learn the value of money from an early age and it also prepares them for the real world. 

Dear parents, stop interfering too much in your children's life when they hit a certain age. It will only improve your relationship with them in the long term. 

  

Not encouraging their daughters to be financially independent

    This one is the most critical. I have observed, especially in rural regions that Mothers insist that their daughters must know how to cook perfectly and how to chores of a home. They teach their daughters to make ‘perfect circular chapatti’ but they won’t encourage them as much to become literate and financially independent so that they won’t have to be dependent on their husbands. There’s nothing wrong with learning to cook or being a housewife but they must teach their daughters how to survive on their own.

     The reason for this being so important is that, in India, one of the most prevalent reasons for domestic violence is women being dependent on their husbands. Husbands who abuse their wives know that they won’t leave them or complain because they are financially dependent on them and illiterate in some cases so they don’t have that much courage. As a result, women have to be in abusive relationships even if they’re not happy.

  Dear parents, making your daughter financially independent is more important than teaching her how to cook.

 

Mothers are overly sentimental

It’s next to impossible to find a person who loves you more than your mother but sometimes mothers get overly dramatic. when sometimes you correct her when she is actually wrong, she would say ‘Ab bachhe maa ko sikhayenge?’ (Will kids teach their mother now?).

They want kind of a husband for them and their daughter who would fight against his parents for her but if her son does the same with her, she would blame her daughter in law for provoking her son against her.

Dear all the mothers, your kid is not going against you every time when he/she is doing the right thing. Please think rationally sometimes instead of becoming emotional.

Never admitting their mistakes

If their kids try to sensibly argue with them, they call it 'Bahot zubaan ladata hai'(You argue too much) without understanding their point of view. Because guess what, they can’t be wrong ever.

Dear parents, just because you are elder than us doesn't mean you are always right. You can be wrong too. Just by accepting your mistakes, you can avoid heated arguments with your rebellious teenage kids.

Not understanding the generation gap

    They often say that ‘Humare zamane me to aisa nahi hua karta tha.’ (This wasn’t the case in our times.) They need to understand that time has changed and so has many things (especially in the last 20 years). The things which worked for them might not work now. Kids are not obligated to follow useless traditions just for the sake of it.

    Dear parents, please understand that kids now-a-days aren't like what they used to be in your generation. Try to understand their thinking patterns, understand that time has changed so you have to adapt new ways to handle them.

    

   Not every things mentioned above is found in every parent but it is rather a general scenario. The main objective of this post is not to criticize the parents but to let them know where the things can be improved when they go wrong. If you're reading this, I request you to make your parents read this post.

Learn to say NO

"I wanted to do something else, but I had to do that because I couldn't say NO to him."

"I didn't want to go there but I went because I was afraid he would be mad."


You must have said this to yourself at some point in your life.

What do these sentences indicate?

They indicate that you can't say NO to anyone.

Today I'm going to explain to you the importance of saying NO in your life.

Let's first begin with the reasons behind this.

Why most people can't say NO to others?

There are many reasons behind these like,

• Low self-esteem
• You're afraid that what others will think of you
• You think that others will be mad at you
• You feel obligated

Apart from these, there can also be many other reasons based on an individual.

Why is it important to say NO?

If you don't learn to say NO to people, believe me, you're gonna have a hard time.

If you don't feel like doing something, say NO to that person even if he's your friend.
You're not being rude here, you're speaking your mind.

If you feel insulted when someone is making fun of you, tell him not to do it.
You're not being too serious here, you're settings boundaries.

If you are in a situation where you can't help someone because doing so can put you in a danger, say NO.
You're not being inhuman here, you're putting yourself above him which is quite reasonable.

Here's a thing...

You can't always make everyone happy. There's always gonna be someone who will be pissed off because of your denial but the bottom line is you have to learn to say NO to people if you want to lead a peaceful life.

The people who try to make everyone happy and want to be liked by everyone say YES to everyone and when they can't keep every promise, they make everyone unhappy. Not to mention the stress they have to go through to maintain their promises. As a result, none of them is happy.

When you say YES to everyone despite your unwillingness, you may make people happy for some time but you are disrespecting yourself by going against your will.

Keep one thing in your mind... people will forget 99 things you did for them but they will remember 1 thing you didn't do.  The world is just like that. But protecting your interests in such a selfish world is your goddamn duty. So what is the point of  pressuring yourself to make everyone happy at the cost of your happiness?

Don't worry about pissing people off. The real friends will understand your situation and the one who wouldn't, don't matter anyway. And also remember that you have a 'right to freedom of choice'.

The world is full of people who want to take advantage of you but it's your duty to identify them and say NO to them.

You are not obligated to do anything to anyone (unless they are your parents, spouse or children and that too in a situation where their request is reasonable).

Look I'm not saying to become a jerk and do whatever you like even at the expense of others. You should help your friends in need. But if you're protecting your interests and it's not hurting anyone, then it's perfectly right decision to say NO.

Here's a Red pill...

Nobody will look for you in this cruel world, you have to do it yourself. If doing so hurts someone, let it be. Don't try to carry the whole world on your shoulders. The world was running without you before your birth and it would be running without you even after your death. Making yourself happy is your first business.

એ લપેટ...

ઉત્તરાયણ એટલે પતંગો, તુક્કલો અને "કાઇપો છે" ની બૂમો. પણ આના સિવાય પણ એવી ઘણી વસ્તુઓ છે જે આપડે બાળક તરીકે કરી હશે(અને અમુક અત્યારે પણ કરીએ છીએ).
એ મજેદાર વસ્તુઓ કઈ છે એ જાણવા વાંચો આગળ...

The most important person in your life

If someone asks you "Who's the most important person in your life?"

What would be your answer?

Your mom, dad, brother, sister, teacher or lover/spouse?

I say none of these.

To see the most important person in your life, look in the mirror.

Whom do you see?

Yourself, right?

Yep...that person in the mirror, "YOU"... YOU are the most important person in your life.

Sometimes in our life, we give too much importance to others and undervalue ourselves.

Has it ever occurred to you while taking any decision, that you had to depend on someone for guiding you? It's possible that you wanted to use that person's experience for your benefit. That's a good thing but also remember that no one knows yourself better than you.

If someone says that your parents or lover knows you better than you know yourself, don't believe it. It's Bull's crap. No matter how close someone is to you, there is a tiny chance that someone knows all your secrets. Even if he/she knows, no one can tell what's going in your mind 24*7.

Even your parents, close friends, and lovers are not going to be with you every time. Only you are going to be with yourself, from your first breath to your last breath. Only you can feel what you've gone through, others can just merely know it.

At times, some people can't understand why you did what you did.

Why?

Again, the reason is the same... Because he hasn't been with you through all the time so he doesn't know what you've gone through. Every person doesn't take decisions only based on the situations but his experiences also play a major role. Two identical people (mentally) whose situations are the same may take different decisions based on their past experiences!

So it is possible to go through such a situation when you can't provide any logic or justification to anyone but your gut feeling tells you that it's the right thing to do. In such situations, you should go with your gut feeling and do what you feel is right for you. Don't listen to anyone. You don't owe any explanation to anyone but yourself. Period!

Sure, you might fail or go wrong but that possibility also exists when we listen to others. So it's far better to fail by doing something your own way.

Put yourself first, above all (Your parents being the exception). Others may term you selfish or mean but remember, it's not called being selfish, it's called self-love. Putting yourself first is the first step to increase your self-esteem. If you don't love and respect your self then how can you even expect the same from others?

Set boundaries...learn to say no...speak your mind when the need arises... people should be knowing what you like/dislike and how you like to be treated. The reason I'm putting so much emphasis on this is if you don't remind people how to treat you, you will indirectly give them the power to insult you.

In such situations, you might seem arrogant to others or they can't understand you. But you don't have to worry as long as you think you're right. But don't forget to take responsibility for that, either! After all, it was your decision.

Make your identity

Who are you?

No... I'm not asking your name.

What I'm trying to ask is what people think of you when they hear your name?

If you're over 25, then most probably you're known by what you do i.e. your profession. But if you're just beginning your career or are a student, chances are good that you're known by mainly your marks (if you've been a topper) which is true for less than 1% people. But what about 99% of others?  Are they just average people with no talents who are lost in the crowd? Heck no!

Most of them possess some abilities. Some can paint well, some can dance well, some may be good at sports, some may have a photographic memory, some may be good photographers, some may speak well, some can sing well.

What I'm trying to say is make your identity. Have something in you which you're known for. Be so obsessed with that thing that when people hear your name, they should be attributing that thing to yourself. Like "Yeah... He/She <Insert your name> paints <insert anything that you're good at/ want to be good at/ like doing> very good."

Just imagine this. Wouldn't this feel amazing to you? When you're known for what you do and not just by your name.

Why is it important to make your identity?

It increases confidence and boosts your self-esteem

• Need I say more? Being complimented by others frequently certainly helps to increase your confidence and feel good about yourself.

It makes you an interesting person

• When you have something in you, then it becomes easier to expand your horizon of knowledge. People will like to talk to you and you'll be able to hold conversations with people.

You meet like-minded people

• When your friends know about your strengths/hobbies/what you are good at, they will often mention you while talking with other people who are just like you. You can thus meet like-minded people through your friends. I don't need to say how comfortable does it feel to be around people who see things the same way as you do.

It makes you feel alive

• When you are admired and known for something you do, that is awesome. Life becomes more enjoyable and you feel some sense of purpose.

What to do when you can't find anything?

Here's the thing. The majority of the people are not that talented so you not being talented isn't the excuse for not trying anything. Of course, if you have any talents, it helps a lot but things don't stop when that's not the case.

Here's what to do when you are confused:

You may have many hobbies which you couldn't pursue due to some reasons.

Think about the things you always wanted to do later in life.

What was the thing you loved doing or never got tired of doing?

I'm pretty sure you'll at least find one thing after reading all this.

If you're afraid that you're not that good at the thing you like, then don't worry. Because you're not doing this for someone else. You're doing this for yourself, your soul. You don't have to monetize it (doing it isn't a bad idea either if you're good at it!) so you don't have to be world-class at that thing.

Earning a great amount of money is a good thing and crucial, too. I understand that in some points in your life, you have to compromise some things you love for making your lives better (like studying or earning) but when you find yourself in a better situation in life where you can find some spare time for yourself, I suggest you do something which you always wanted to do. Have/Develop something in you which gives yourself a sense of fulfillment. You'll thank me later.

You're not only your bank balance or mark sheet but much more than that.

You've got only one shot at life so there's no point in not living the way you want it.

A letter to the world from a guy entering into his 20s

09/09/2019

Dear world,

I wanted to let you know that today, I've completed 21 years of my existence and you have witnessed my transformation from an infant to an adult.

I am writing this letter to you to pour out my heart. In this letter, I'll talk about my life till date and how my 20s is going to be like.

When I was a kid, life was fantastic. It was something like this... Eat....study....play....sleep.... repeat. Plain and simple. No problems, no tension of career, no heartbreaks, no break-ups. Even if I was hurt, I could cry whenever and wherever I wanted (nobody took me seriously back then tho!). I was unaware of what "mentally hurt" actually meant! Whenever I had any problem, my parents were the first to know about that instead of my pillow. Whenever I was angry at someone, I used to show anger. Whenever I didn't like something, I said it as it was. I used to say exactly what was in my mind. I was transparent and innocent. "Diplomacy" and "Decency" were unknown words to me.

If I talk about vacations, I actually played in all those without any worries. My parents used to take almost all of my decisions.

I thought that I could become anything. From a board topper to a rockstar. From a cricketer to an Actor. From a Dancer to an Astronaut. From a Doctor to an Engineer. My imagination knew no limits. Nothing was impossible for me. Because all of my wishes were being fulfilled by my parents, my innocent self believed that whatever we want in life, we can always get it. I didn't have any hardships (read it as "my parents didn't let me know about what hardships they were going through"). After dreaming about all this, my delusional self couldn't wait to grow up and do whatever he had dreamt of.

Then came my teenage life. It was awesome. Beginning of it was like something I never experienced. I started noticing some changes in my thinking pattern. Now, I liked being independent and having control over my decisions. I didn't like my parents' advice and being told what to do. I became a bit rebellious. Being with friends and doing crazy things with them was the things I wanted to do the most. And it had a reason behind it. At that age, we thought our parents didn't understand us properly and moreover, being at the same stage of life, I and my peers were going through the same things. We could understand each others' situations well and thus, we were on the same page.

Early teenage years were all good and fun. But 3-4 years after that, I was burdened with studies. I had some responsibilities now. This period made me realize that "Life is not that easy as I thought it would be". I realized that my parents won't be always there for providing me whatever I wanted. I have to fight and earn what I wanted. I also realized that it's not possible for me to be everything. I learned to see you <the world> for what you were, not for what I wanted you to be. I became more rational. Most of the (unrealistic) dreams I saw in my childhood were now shattered. It was painful but I moved on. So I can say that it was a crucial part of my life which converted me from a kid to a man.

Then I finished my teens and entered into my adulthood. (Yeah, finally that wait of becoming 18+ was over!) I finished school and entered college. Most of the school friends separated to carve their own path of life. Meeting the old friends was hard now which I took for granted in childhood. I felt amazing in the initial days of college. Those new friends, that independence and many things. I met persons from various backgrounds and I was amazed after knowing how different they were from me. I thought that college life will be way better than school life. But unlike school, no one in the college cared whether you attended the lectures or not. It was all your responsibility to study. Nobody spoonfed to you.

Now stress, anxiety, career confusion has become an integral part of my life. I see many young people who are very accomplished and dream of achieving great heights but at the same time, I often doubt my own abilities.

After witnessing the painful realities, sometimes I think that those unrealistic expectations of childhood were far better. Why did I grow up? Isn't there any time machine through which I can go back to my childhood and tell myself that "Hey, don't ever think to grow up. Your childhood is the best part of your life. It's never coming back so enjoy it as much as you can. You probably won't have this much stress free life ever again. Surely, you would have independence but trust me, you would crave for your current life but you won't be able to have it again."

I think the 20s is an interesting phase of anyone's life. The funny thing about my present age is, "I am an adult among the kids and kids among the adults." In other words, I am too old to do childish things but to immature to take any critical decisions. In a few years, I will see many of my friends being settled, getting married and having children, getting their first job and what not. In their 20s, kids are dealing with great pressure of completing their education, getting a job, settling down, finding themselves, exploring different things. If they are single, then they see other couples around them and wish (not all of them) if they were in a relationship, too. It is the age at which kids get to experience the real YOU<world>.

Currently, I have many dreams to achieve. I'm entering into prime time of my life. I'm ready to live the new phase of my life and face the challenges thrown by you. Let's see what you've got for me!


Your guest,
Akshay Brahmbhatt     

Why is it important to try new things in life?

We see many people around us who are boring, uninteresting and unhappy with their lives and stuck where they are.

Do you know the reason behind all these?

Because they don’t try new things. They don’t have any interesting things to do or talk about.
In this post, I’m going to tell you why you should keep trying new things and advantages to this.

What happens when you try new things?